Remember

Remember Good Friday. GOOD? An innocent man hung by his hands and feet, pierced in his side, beaten, tortutured. A mother left sobbing, broken. Sky goes dark. How is this good??

Great Friday! It is darkest before the dawn. No more guilt, shame, hopelessness! The lamb that was slain has taken away our sin. Remember, we are resurrection people! Live in that light!

I am honored, humbled?, that you have checked in here over the last year and a half when I have been dormant.  I felt I didn't have stories, but how ridiculous!  There are always stories...some times I just don't want to write them down.  For those with little or no filter, ie. me, it can make you feel naked to see some thoughts on 'paper'.  Do you know what I mean?  Or, have you worked on your filter?  Let me know your thoughts down here \/

If you are on Facebook, you can't help but notice it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  I am, by nature, sarcastic, so forgive me for saying, but I am fully aware already.  If it weren't enough watching two dear friends receive treatment for breast cancer in the same year, and another losing her mom to the killer, I lost a lifelong best friend to Triple Negative Breast Cancer in December.  According to breastcancer.org, this type of breast cancer "tends to be more aggressive than other types of breast cancer" and "women with triple-negative breast cancer had a higher risk of death within 5 years of diagnosis".  We lost my dear friend, my mother-in-law, within a year of her diagnosis.  As I sit typing at my desk, I am staring into her eyes in my favorite photo that sits there.  I ponder, like I do almost daily, what would she have me say about this horrible time in my life?

Faye, our Meme, always had wise words.  She knew the power of the tongue to encourage, or slay, and didn't mince words.  She cared about EVERYone's feelings and welfare.  She didn't care if you were the trash collector, or the President, you would receive her opinion, and her love.  I will try to share what I learned from her...though it would take volumes, I will attempt to do her justice.

• Show up.  Meme never missed an occasion important to me, my husband, or my kids.  She was there for the birth of each of my children, their birthdays, surgeries.  Whenever I called, she dropped what she was doing, and SHOWED UP.  She never failed to be there when I needed her...until now...
• Appearance matters, when it is your's, BUT, not when its someone else's.  To meet Meme, you could not miss her hair and makeup being "done" and her clothes being accessorized.  She bought all of us beaucoup clothes and at bargain prices.  Shockingly, she would find a designer item for a dime, with the wrong size number inside, and it would be a perfect fit.  She had an eye for fashion, and all things pretty.  She wanted everyone to feel pretty.
  Meme didn't judge your appearance, if she didn't know you.  She assumed you were good and true, and could be her next friend.  She didn't see color or status.  Now, if she knew you, she might ask if you just got out of bed!  A lady should be put together;)
• Money is not king.  Money is temporary, and is meant to be spent on the people you love.
• Take time to sit and talk with those you love.  She and I had a routine when she came to visit.  Our Meme lived about 4 and a half hours away from us, so we only had weekend visits.  When the kids were smaller, they argued over who got to have Meme sleep in their bed.  As they got older, they slowly realized she snored louder than thought humanly possible, and fought over sharing a bed with her much less.  But, the mornings were MINE.  Meme and I would grab our first cup of coffee and sit down at the kitchen table in our pjs and talk about the kids.  And Brian.  And religion.  Philosophy. Travel.  Politics.  Nail polish.  She taught me about scripture with a passion.  When the birthday party, or trip to the zoo, was over, we agreed it was 5 o'clock somewhere and sat down with a glass of wine together.  We had the BEST talks.  I miss them so much.
• Time will run out.  Life is so much briefer than I knew a year ago.  Meme and I planned to go to the Holy Land together...when the kids were older.  Just her and I, walking where Jesus walked, and discussing theology, and giggling while praying, like schoolgirls.  We talked about traveling to Africa together, and ministering to orphaned children and scared, widowed moms.  See, there would be time one day for these dreams God had placed in our hearts, I thought.  I was wrong.  I have a strong feeling, if I had called her, and said pack a bag, she would have gone with me.  Why didn't I?
• Laugh.  There will always be time to cry later.
• Be an eternal optimist.  What have you got to lose?
• God is so good.  In your darkest day, He will hold you in His hand, and soothe your brow, and whisper in your ear that you are loved by the Creator. 

Psalm 39:4-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁴ “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered—
how fleeting my life is.
⁵ You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath.” Interlude

⁶ We are merely moving shadows,
and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.
We heap up wealth,
not knowing who will spend it.
⁷ And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
My only hope is in you.

That's all I've got for now.  Thanks for stopping by, and letting me share.
And please, please, don't forget to check your Ta-Tas.

Africa and other dreams

I am part of one of the coolest groups of ladies around. We call ourselves a book club. We happen to know that what we are is so much more than that, but willing to accept such a simple, trendy label. I have been blessed to be accepted into this circle for about five years now (you know, time runs together as we age...just ask Dr. Oz...but I digress...), and they are a highly unique set, intelligent, caring, strong, opinionated, generous, nonjudgemental. We some times hurt each others' feelings a bit, but, after a wee bit of time, the issue is resolved, forgotten, or put to bed, and we all remember why we love one another. We have witnessed each others' ups and downs, career changes, divorces, health crises, financial woes, and have each others' backs. I wouldn't allow any one to diss my book club sister, and I am certain we stand together on that issue. We know each others' hearts through the many stories we have read and discussed of lives unlike ours, and lives like ours too. We share large doses of tolerance with our sisters, as we all come from different faiths, different walks.

I give you the background, to say we have started a new tradition at our holiday party. The holiday party is not a time we discuss a specific book, but a gathering with food and drink where we just enjoy the fellowship. This past December, we gathered and answered non-bookish questions about ourselves and then the questions and their answers were presented to the group and everyone else guessed Who Said It? The answers were very revealing, as they showed the group a little about our dreams, and what we think about ourselves. I highly recommend you do this with the people you care about!

We learned what some of us wish we could be named...which drew enough laughter to send some of us running for the loo. We learned some of us have a thing for bald men...no comment. I love hearing the answers to where people have always wanted to travel. It's very revealing to hear someone's unrealized plans....like I like to say, their Bucket List. My spot is southern Africa. I am sure I will travel there at some point in my life...I pray it will be on this side of eternity and I can help and love on little ones hurting there in some way. Where's your bucket spot? I'm sure it speaks volumes about your hopes too.

We should never forget what we dreamed when we were younger and not embittered by life and hardship. There is always time to achieve the impossible as long as you still have breath. Thank you my book club sisters for reminding me always of this, and lifting me up so I can reach the stars!

It is New Year's Eve, so I am looking back like most of us do. I thought I'd share some thoughts with you (mostly because my neighbor asked me when I was going to write again, and I felt guilty, like only a Southern girl can). I don't make resolutions, since goals tend to make me feel anxious. Instead, I make plans "to improve me". (You can use that one if you like.)

I PLAN to keep on reducing the junk in my life. Roughly translated, reducing time spent with people who are negative ALL the time or simply takers. Some times, I take, and some times, I am negative, but if this is your constant modus operandi...it will suck energy I don't have. I will pray for you, and hope for you, but we all need to be encouragement to one another. That goes for you too.

Along the same lines, I PLAN to reduce the junk coming into my house. Less is more. The local mission has been blessed with my knicks knacks as I reduce the clutter at casa Kelly. If it doesn't have a purpose or sentiment attached, I don't want it. I started today with the Clean Sweep 2011 of my house. I am getting more organized, more streamlined. This will be good when we move.

I PLAN to reduce the junk my family is eating. I started this when I read a great cook book "Clean Food", which I highly recommend. I don't actually cook from it;)...as many of you know, I don't like to cook, but I have learned a lot about our food sources and trying to feed my family purer foods. When we are trying to strictly budget it is even tougher to eat healthier, but this is my PLAN. I have fallen anew in love with my husband as he decided to punish me by doing our grocery shopping. In his frustration with so much money going to groceries, he decided he would do the grocery shopping. I think he thought this would upset me. I don't think anyone knew how much I loathe Walmart and grocery shopping. I PLAN in 2011 to keep this a secret.

I also PLAN to exercise more. But, all of us do, right? I PLAN not to be disappointed when I eat the ice cream sitting on the couch instead of going to the Y.

I PLAN to continue to walk the 50 miles in the Challenge Walk each year until we have a cure. I had a moment, or two, when I thought this could be a waste of my time and resources. I said to myself, there won't be a cure for ms in my lifetime, maybe I should focus on hands-on community service, like person to person, feeding the hungry. Then, it occurred to me that I considered "skipping a year", not because the economy is bad, but because I was not hoping any more. We have to hope in a cure, because if we don't, who will? And this year alone, my friend received financial support that was much needed from the NMSS, and we now have an oral medication available to patients. The people I have gotten to know through the three years I have walked alongside them, have changed my life.

I PLAN to continue to meet challenges head on...with little fear of the outcome. Most of us fear the unknown and unfamiliar. The challenges will come. But, growth takes place when we're stretched and thrust off the cliff, flailing, flapping our arms. That's when we realize we could fly all along.

The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.
Psalm 27:1-5


I wish you a wondrous 2011 full of challenges that only you are designed to meet, and that through them, you become the best YOU possible. Rock on!

What makes you feel relevant? Am I the only one who ponders, weekly, what difference am I making?

See, I struggled with self-esteem much of my childhood. I always looked for approval and validation. We moved A LOT, so my compass constantly settled on a new North. When I (and my Sweetie:) had children, voila! my validation. When an infant is depending on you for substinance daily, hourly even, you don't need to ponder your relevance, especially if your own breasts are supplying the food!!...you are irreplaceable. Now, my kids are older, mostly teens, percentage-wise anyway, they don't need me as much. In fact, my veneer might be a little crumbly tonight, as I am, sort of, treated with disdain. I am "The One Who Said No", "the Mom Who Doesn't Let my Kids Do as ALL the Others." I am uncool, unfashionable, many other UNs I can't recall as I have blocked them from my subconscious.

It can difficult to feel valid nowdays. Most moms are juggling way more than they need to. They are often overwhelmed with finances, keeping husbands satisfied, running kids around town to activities (so they are healthy and have healthy self-esteem), running a household, AND providing nutrition to aforementioned husband and kids. And, at the same time, spending some energy developing interests that are important for self-development. Wow! I am tired just listing all the stuff expected of me! No wonder we feel we are always trying to reach an unattainable standard.

Just when I think I have it figured out...another dent in the armor. I think I have a "healthy" outlook...a positive attitude, a sunny approach to 'cloudy' days, and zing! one of my precious throws a comment my way and I wonder, again, How am I doing? When will I grow up?

I'd Forget my Head if it wasn't attached...

You know it's been a long time since you blogged when you can't remember the name of the blog YOU created! I was reminded TO blog by my sweet friend (literally, I mean, she's a baker;) who created her own blog yesterday. Any time I have been spending on the web has been developing my new small business...check me at www.mythirtyone.com/dkelly. I won't bore you with the details, but I have been wearing my poor mid-aged brain out learning new stuff to be a success!

It is exciting to turn a new page in my life. Some times we feel like Moses wandering the desert, hoping for encounters with the Big Guy via a burning bush, where the answers are clear. Most often, for me, answers come in the form of dreams delayed or detoured. I thought for a brief time about nursing school last spring and summer. Everywhere I turned, I met obstacles. So, I quiz myself, "Am I banging my head against the wall because I am being challenged? Or am I banging my head against the wall because it is the wrong thing for me??" Eventually, logic won out. My hubby said, "Really, Sweetie, I just don't see it." And, financially, it would be difficult for my family since it was looking like three years until I had an income.

I've never seen a supernaturally flaming bush. When I decided to join Thirty-One, I knew it was love at first sight! It felt right in my gut, and my kids would not be compromised by my work schedule. I often know a decision is wrong because I just feel unsettled. When a decision is right for me, I feel peace, not anxiety.

I firmly believe in working your passion. As I always say, "Life's Too Short!" Some times, we have to get a job to put food on the table. I am thankful there is never a shortage of food at the Kelly house...check the waistlines...But, if you can spend your days earning a living doing something you enjoy, go for it! Then, to write me and share it.

Earthy.

Hey Ya'll,

I seem to be getting fewer and farther between with my posts. Know this, I still love my followers and my lurkers. There is no greater honor than that of people hanging on my every word. Even as a child, I yearned to be heard. Still do.

Today was gorgeous, Carolina style. I am a Tarheel, born, bred, and bachelored. My dad always said I could attend any university I chose, as long as it was THE University Of North Carolina AT Chapel Hill. I did attend there...although not graduating at the top of my class, I did graduate, which, come to find out, is all that matters. Today's sky was Carolina blue, the temps were deliriously pleasant, and I set out to straighten my garden mess.

Hot hot weather is not my friend. We did decide this year to make our under-used sand box into a real garden last April. It produced famously in the pickled cuke and squash categories, but sucked big time in the tomato department. I love tomatoes. I grew up eating tomatoes sprinkled with salt and pepper and naked otherwise. I eat them until my mouth burns. NO tomatoes grew. Like I said, we planted our first REAL garden this year. In previous years, since B and I became adults, I have nurtured the simplistic potted tomatoes on the patio. I enjoyed them. This year, I decide to have a real garden. An unpesticided garden. Organic, if you will. No tomatoes. To be truthful, we did harvest a dozen or two dozen from the soil. But, I planted six tomato plants. The infamous Brawley Hybrid, Better Boys, Pink Ladies, etc...Very disappointing.

I probably would have done better if I'd read the Farmer's Almanacs. But, I like to live with my brand of unpredictability. I've always hated necessary research. Farmer's Almanac...my granddad swore by this epistle. He underlined, folded, marked, followed the almanacs to such a degree that when he left his earthly home, we divied up his editions amongt the grandkids as cherished possessions. He had so many notes, some about gardening, but more about life itself, and death, that they became a sort of journal for him. My granddad, Papaw we called him, was many things, a great guy but also quite a character, and also, a farmer. As he got older, his daughters and their husbands help him to plant and harvest his crops. He grew strawberries, corn, okra, green beans, and of course, tomatoes that never failed. He also raised chickens, that we later ate. I guess that's where I learned responsibility for our consumption;)

Now that I think about my little successes and my multiple failures this summer in my garden, my greatest delight in my first REAL vegetable gardening attempts, is the closeness I felt to my Papaw while doing so. The joy I feel in the smell of dirt on a beautiful Carolina day comes directly from him. I've enjoyed many a day digging alongside my mother in the dirt. I guess she gets that from Roy too. He was the kind not easily replaced. Boy, I miss him.