Monday, July 1, 2013

Guide to understanding the North Carolina woman

Beautiful day here in NC, and I've been noticing a few things while cruising social media that have urged me to note what makes us unique in the TARHEEL state. If you are fairly new to the state, you might feel a little confused, or even wonder if we speak another language. I aim to help!
  • "Bless her heart!"  You cannot count on inflection to guide you on this one.  Is she in the hospital?  Then, we are expressing sympathy and concern.  If not, this means she is acting foolish and we are trying to be polite.
  • "GO CAROLINA!"  Under no circumstance do you ask which Carolina...unless you are in the more southern Carolina.
  • Sleet expected?  Your kids will be let out of school as soon as they eat lunch.  Don't make big plans for your day.
  • Do not post pictures of yourself with the description, "Yay! I'm a size 2!"  No one wants to hear that except your accountability partner.  Gained 15 pounds over Christmas?  This is what your friend wants to hear.  We southern women are comfortable with one another's round parts. BTW, if you happen to be the partner of a female, the answer to the question "does this ______ make me look fat?", is ALWAYS NO!
  • If you are in a restaurant and order tea, it will be sweet. FYI.
  • "Where do you go to church?"  We are not trying to be rude, or too personal.  It is kind of the southern "How you doing?"  This is our way of asking, well, so many things. We might find out, ie. assume, from your chosen congregation, if you drink, if you are gasp! liberal, if we know people that know you, if we should send you a Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Eid card.  If you are not spiritual, just have an answer ready that will satisfy.  Otherwise, we will be inviting you to our house of worship until you move far away.
  • Our shorts tend to be short.  Don't judge.  Blame Daisy Duke.
  • Don't miss our parades...Macy's can't hold a candle to our brand of fun.
  • Some old-timers will pointedly announce, "aren't from round here are ya?" Don't be offended.  Smile real sweetly and tell them how you love our town.  After all, you catch more bees with honey!
  • We will speak and wave to you even though we don't know you.  Don't worry, this one is'll catch on!
  • Many of us are quite intelligent, even if we talk "down home" speak.  Just like we know you from the north aren't all rude and obnoxious.  See how that works?
  • NASCAR is a sport.  Try driving a car at 230 mph around a CIRCLE while wearing a jumpsuit inside a car that reaches 120 degrees...for 3 hours!  Much training is involved.  It'll grow on you.  Just read some driver rosters in the Observer, in the Sports section, so you can converse.
  • We are not all Republican.  Not that there is a thing wrong with being Republican.  I like to call myself a liberal who believes in open-mindedness with caution.  I respect the President, even though I don't agree with all he says or does.  In fact, I've given every President, excepting Clinton, respect.  Come on, in the Oval Office?
Well, that's all I've got for now.  I hope that helps my transplant friends.  Feel free to add to my list!  

Until next time...

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