Friday, October 15, 2010

What makes you feel relevant? Am I the only one who ponders, weekly, what difference am I making?

See, I struggled with self-esteem much of my childhood. I always looked for approval and validation. We moved A LOT, so my compass constantly settled on a new North. When I (and my Sweetie:) had children, voila! my validation. When an infant is depending on you for substinance daily, hourly even, you don't need to ponder your relevance, especially if your own breasts are supplying the food!! are irreplaceable. Now, my kids are older, mostly teens, percentage-wise anyway, they don't need me as much. In fact, my veneer might be a little crumbly tonight, as I am, sort of, treated with disdain. I am "The One Who Said No", "the Mom Who Doesn't Let my Kids Do as ALL the Others." I am uncool, unfashionable, many other UNs I can't recall as I have blocked them from my subconscious.

It can difficult to feel valid nowdays. Most moms are juggling way more than they need to. They are often overwhelmed with finances, keeping husbands satisfied, running kids around town to activities (so they are healthy and have healthy self-esteem), running a household, AND providing nutrition to aforementioned husband and kids. And, at the same time, spending some energy developing interests that are important for self-development. Wow! I am tired just listing all the stuff expected of me! No wonder we feel we are always trying to reach an unattainable standard.

Just when I think I have it figured out...another dent in the armor. I think I have a "healthy" outlook...a positive attitude, a sunny approach to 'cloudy' days, and zing! one of my precious throws a comment my way and I wonder, again, How am I doing? When will I grow up?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

I'd Forget my Head if it wasn't attached...

You know it's been a long time since you blogged when you can't remember the name of the blog YOU created! I was reminded TO blog by my sweet friend (literally, I mean, she's a baker;) who created her own blog yesterday. Any time I have been spending on the web has been developing my new small business...check me at I won't bore you with the details, but I have been wearing my poor mid-aged brain out learning new stuff to be a success!

It is exciting to turn a new page in my life. Some times we feel like Moses wandering the desert, hoping for encounters with the Big Guy via a burning bush, where the answers are clear. Most often, for me, answers come in the form of dreams delayed or detoured. I thought for a brief time about nursing school last spring and summer. Everywhere I turned, I met obstacles. So, I quiz myself, "Am I banging my head against the wall because I am being challenged? Or am I banging my head against the wall because it is the wrong thing for me??" Eventually, logic won out. My hubby said, "Really, Sweetie, I just don't see it." And, financially, it would be difficult for my family since it was looking like three years until I had an income.

I've never seen a supernaturally flaming bush. When I decided to join Thirty-One, I knew it was love at first sight! It felt right in my gut, and my kids would not be compromised by my work schedule. I often know a decision is wrong because I just feel unsettled. When a decision is right for me, I feel peace, not anxiety.

I firmly believe in working your passion. As I always say, "Life's Too Short!" Some times, we have to get a job to put food on the table. I am thankful there is never a shortage of food at the Kelly house...check the waistlines...But, if you can spend your days earning a living doing something you enjoy, go for it! Then, to write me and share it.