Friday, October 15, 2010

What makes you feel relevant? Am I the only one who ponders, weekly, what difference am I making?

See, I struggled with self-esteem much of my childhood. I always looked for approval and validation. We moved A LOT, so my compass constantly settled on a new North. When I (and my Sweetie:) had children, voila! my validation. When an infant is depending on you for substinance daily, hourly even, you don't need to ponder your relevance, especially if your own breasts are supplying the food!!...you are irreplaceable. Now, my kids are older, mostly teens, percentage-wise anyway, they don't need me as much. In fact, my veneer might be a little crumbly tonight, as I am, sort of, treated with disdain. I am "The One Who Said No", "the Mom Who Doesn't Let my Kids Do as ALL the Others." I am uncool, unfashionable, many other UNs I can't recall as I have blocked them from my subconscious.

It can difficult to feel valid nowdays. Most moms are juggling way more than they need to. They are often overwhelmed with finances, keeping husbands satisfied, running kids around town to activities (so they are healthy and have healthy self-esteem), running a household, AND providing nutrition to aforementioned husband and kids. And, at the same time, spending some energy developing interests that are important for self-development. Wow! I am tired just listing all the stuff expected of me! No wonder we feel we are always trying to reach an unattainable standard.

Just when I think I have it figured out...another dent in the armor. I think I have a "healthy" outlook...a positive attitude, a sunny approach to 'cloudy' days, and zing! one of my precious throws a comment my way and I wonder, again, How am I doing? When will I grow up?

1 comment:

  1. I don't think we'll ever know what a difference we made or make in someone's life, until we're no longer on this earth. That's probably the time it will matter the most, and we'll not be around to see or hear it. So, just knowing you are doing the best you can for the ones you love is all anyone can ever ask of you. As a parent you'll always question if you're doing the right thing, but trust yourself. You'll be the hardest person to answer to.

    ReplyDelete